Have you ever had a moment in your life when the meaning/symbolism you associated with an object changed over the span of a couple of months or a few years? It’s bound to have happened to everyone at some point or another. In your mind, you associate something with a memory or an emotion and you just wake up one day, realizing that it’s meaning has completely changed; perhaps even inverted.
About a year ago, I fell in love with this crazy girl. In my warped mind, ‘crazy’ is just about the highest compliment I can pay someone. To me, ‘crazy’ implies a person who is weird (just the right amount), good-natured, imaginative, fun and above all has a beautiful soul [She was all that so I naturally fell for her].
Just to be crystal clear; in my opinion, ‘crazy’ = awesome 😉
She had actually fallen for me a couple of months before I did. I never looked at her in ‘that way’. To me she was just a good friend. We really started talking to each other the day she confessed her feelings for me. After a while it became obvious that she was pretty cool and deserving of my signature-seal-of-approval-word, ‘crazy’. I decided that I liked her enough to give her a chance. So being ‘silly old romantic me’, I thought I would tell her how I felt with a flower. I began the search for a perfect flower (just a rose or random flower wouldn’t do. It had to be something that encompassed perfectly, the person that she was). I filtered through grandma’s extensive collection of backyard flora until I discovered it – a purple periwinkle !
Why a purple periwinkle you ask ?
- Her favourite colour was purple (the most obvious reason).
- This was the only flower I found that was dual coloured. It was purple on top and white on the bottom. I felt this represented how unique she was. (This was the reason that confirmed my choice)
Within the span of just two months, we had grown so close to a point where we could understand what the other was thinking without words being shared [Insert all the cliché romantic stuff you can find here]. It was intense, exhilarating and I had honestly never felt this way about someone before. Then it inexplicably happened. At the end of two months, right on our anniversary day she decides to break up with me; says she’s sorry and that her love was just a lie; that I was just a rebound. I was just stunned. Just that morning she wished me a ‘Happy Anniversary’ and within a couple of hours it was all over. I felt suffocated; as thought I was being strangled by some invisible entity. I had put everything I had into this relationship and just like that it was over. It felt worse than a kick in the family jewels and I’ve had my share of those.
What I couldn’t understand (and still can’t) was how we could go from being one person to being split into two completely different people with nothing tying us together. It felt like a javelin had been thrust into me. See the thing was, I didn’t really mind that we wouldn’t be going out anymore you know? All I cared about was that she was still a part of my life; that I could still talk to her and hang out as friends at the very least. That didn’t happen. I was completely ignored. She didn’t want anything to do with me after that. I was yesterday’s news; dumped in the metaphorical trash can. I’d never felt so depressed before.
Pretty soon, the purple periwinkle had come to represent something completely different. Where the dual colours of the flower once symbolised her unique personality, it now stood for the two facets of her being that was shown me – the caring compassionate creature full of love and happiness that I fell in love with and the completely contradictory selfish and indifferent personality that she transformed into.
The very object that had started it all had now changed into something so vile and putrid that I never wanted to see another periwinkle ever again for as long as I lived. The essence of that object was lost.